Dumb question, I know. :)

Anyway, I’m theeeeenking sorta kinda maybe seriously about trying Once Again to enter a physique contest. I’ve chickened out twice before in my life. Once back when I was in college (way back when women were just beginning to do this whole Lifting Of Weights thang) and then again five years ago.

The first time I chickened out was because I didn’t think I was in anywhere near good enough shape. Then I went and watched the contest and realized that I could have at least placed, if not won. Gah. The second time, five years ago, I had trained to enter a fitness competition. I ended up choreographing my routine by myself (which was a joke since I am not much of a dancer and I can’t even do a cartwheel), and then made the mistake (or had the good sense) to have it videotaped so I could see how it looked.

It was awful. Dreadful. Laughable. There was No Fucking Way I was going to get on that stage and embarrass myself in front of all of those people with that routine. That was one of the first years that they had Figure competitions in addition to Fitness***, and so I debated switching over to the Figure category, but by that time I think the stress of it all was getting to me, and I started breaking out in hives on my arms. Unfortunately, when I went to the doctor to get something for it, the antihistamine he prescribed for me triggered a humongous allergic reaction (yes, I am allergic to an antihistamine, Allegra. Go figure.) and I ended with hives from head to toe. It took almost two weeks before it was finally determined that the damn drug that was supposed to be helping me was hurting me, and when I was finally switched to Claritin it took a day for everything to clear up. But by that time I was worn out and just didn’t have it in me to compete.

Then I met Jack, and got married, and got pregnant, got fat… well, you all know how that goes. But anyway, I just don’t want to be sixty and look back on my life and think, “Man, I never did have the balls to go through with it. What a chickenshit.”

So, there are two local contest coming up this summer: Greater Gulf States, and the Battle of Biloxi. The first is at the end of June, and the second is at the end of July. It would be really pushing it for the one in June–that’s only 19 weeks away. But, surely I could be ready by July… hmmm.

*** In Fitness competitions, competitors are judged not only on their physique, but also on a rigorous two minute routine that has to contain several required moves that show flexibility and strength. Fitness compeitions have gradually evolved (or devolved, depending on your point of view) to where you have to have a serious background in gymnastics to have any hope of placing. Because of this slide into Super-Gymnastics, the Figure contest was born, which is basically a cross between women’s bodybuiding and your typical bikini contest. In Figure thereis no fitness routine and women are judged strictly on their physique (and Poise, and Grace and all that other silly shit.) The women must have a certain degree of muscularity, however they still have to look like women–at least by today’s standards. (Actually, most of the women who are taking top prizes in Figure competitions now have far more muscle than the women bodybuilders who were derided as having “too much muscle for a woman” back in the eighties. It’s interesting to see how much the social norm and acceptance has changed.)