We know what we want in a house. The house part is easy: single story (I’m sick of living in a two story!), at least 2100 sq ft, at least 3 bedrooms, on at least half an acre of land. Fortunately there are tons of those on the market.

However, neighborhood is far more important to us than the house itself. The whole reason we want to move is because we’ve come to loathe our current neighborhood. The only reason that we have not filed a complaint against the neighbor who lets his horde of yappy crapping dogs roam free is because after the hurricane he ran an extension cord across the street so that we had a fan for sleeping at night. (They had a generator. We did not.) The subdivision itself is small and shaped like a pair of ovaries (two curved streets ending in cul-de-sacs,) which means that when either of us wants to go running we have to get in the car and drive to another, larger, subdivision. The traffic is far heavier than we like, which means that Anna doesn’t play outside very often. But, living here has been good in a way because we know now what’s important to us. We want to live someplace that’s low-traffic and safe, a place where if we want to go running we can just walk out the front door, a neighborhood where there is distance between the houses, and–most importantly–a neighborhood where Anna will be able to make friends and play in safety.

Unfortunately, finding the house we want at a price we can afford in the right neighborhood is proving to be a bit harder. We thought we’d found the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood for the perfect price a couple of weeks ago. Terrific gated community with a clubhouse and a pool, low-traffic, quiet and safe, convenient to shopping, and not far from the interstate. There was only the teensy matter of the crack running through the slab.

Based on the site observations, the foundation differential is above the typical acceptable limit and the slope in the floor is very noticeable when walking throughout the house. We recommend that foundation repairs be performed to relevel and stabilize the house to within acceptable limits. Shoring repairs are typically performed by installing segmented concrete piers under the foundation slab, and then jacking up the house into a level or near level position. We recommend you obtain competitive bids from at least three qualified contractors before proceeding.

Ladies and gentlemen, the preceding is what I like to call Thank all the gods that I hired a structural engineer to inspect the place before I made an offer. In other words, I’m out $425 instead of about $50,000, and our search for the perfect house will go on.