Knees: What the hell?
Hips: Oh no… she isn’t…
Knees: She is! She’s running! It’s been over a month. I thought we were done with that crap!
Hips: Dear god, doesn’t she know she’s over 40? Oh, ow. Why? Why!?
Brain: Hey, guys. Sorry about this, but she’s put a few pounds on, and Ass is filling out her jeans a bit too much.
Ass: Oh, that is SO not fair to put all the blame on me.
Knees: Well you like to collect the fat the most!
Ass: Not just me! Boobs do too, and Arms have a pretty healthy jiggle on their upper portion.
Boobs: No one complains when I get big though.
Arms: It’s winter. I’m cool with long sleeves.
Knees: Yeah, whatever. Hey, stomach! What the hell has she been eating?
Stomach: Well, she finished off that pumpkin pie last night. And there’ve been a lot of frozen pizzas.
Liver: And beer! Don’t forget the beer!
Hips: Okay, this is starting to really hurt. Brain, you’ve got to stop this.
Brain: Sorry, guys. She told me she wanted to do two miles.
Knees: Well, how far have we gone? I’ve got a sharp pain going on down here.
Brain: We just hit a mile.
Hips: Oh, you have GOT to be kidding.
Knees: Holy crap, this is a lot harder than it was a month ago.
Stomach: Yeah, that would be Ass weighing you down.
Ass: Not Fair!
Heart: If it’s any consolation, I’m holding up just fine.
Lungs: Same here. She still has her wind, at least.
Knees: Well, Hips and I are feeling the pain for all of us. This sucks ass.
Ass: Hey!
Knees: Oh, for the love of god, it’s a figure of speech.
Hips: Brain, how much farther?!
Brain: Jeez, you guys are a bunch of weenies. We’re a little over a mile and a half.
Abs: Wow, we haven’t done this in a while. I’m just going to hold on really tight to this right side.
Brain: Abs, you’re just looking for attention. Let go of the cramp.
Abs: Not until she stops. I’m sympathizing with Knees and Hips.
Knees: At least someone in this damn body understands. Brain, you’ve got to make this stop.
Brain: Okay, okay. Look, I’ll ask her to stop at that next stop sign. That’s almost two miles. Close enough. Oh, wait, there’s a car coming, and she doesn’t want to look silly for stopping to walk.
Face: She’s afraid of looking silly? Has she seen how red I am?
Knees: You have GOT to be kidding me! Brain, make her stop, or by god I’m pulling the meniscus!
Brain: All RIGHT! What a bunch of weenies! Fine, she’s walking now. Happy?
Hips: Much better. Ow.
Knees: What do I have to do to get some frickin’ endorphins?
Ass: Hey, that was pretty cool. Let’s go eat some chocolate!
2007
Morning
Thanks! Yes, I am HUGE fan of weight training. In fact, if you read back a ways you can find the posts about my brief foray into the world of powerlifting. Strength training is incredibly good for you in more ways than I could list here, plus, there are tons of studies that show that it’s never too late (age-wise) to reap significant benefits. Go you!
So very funny, I loved this.. and what a very clever idea…
*still grinning*
Minerva
I think that this is my favourite blog post of all the blog posts ever!
(Found you from holidailies)
Aww.. thanks! Thinking of this was the only thing that got me through the last half mile of my run. :))
Very funny post! I particularly like Face’s line; my face sympathizes. Funny how channeling an experience into a good blog post can make it more bearable.
Fun post–just wandered over from Holidailies. I’d definitely second the weight training, and also throw out the idea of short sprints instead of long runs. They do more to tone muscle than the long aerobic runs do (and building muscle means burning calories and also carrying everything better) and have been shown to increase cardiovascular fitness as well. I started a program based on weight training and short sprints (Mackie Shilstone’s Lean and Hard program) and it was really showing good results until I caught a cold and didn’t work out for two weeks and then got busy with too many performances here in December. I’m really looking forward to getting back on it after the holidays. Incidentally, it’s an integrated work-out, diet, and supplementation program, which may seem a bit more extreme than you want to go, but the book is also good reading for understanding the systems of the body and what different kinds of exercise do for you.
And I’ve rambled on far too long about the subject for just having met you! My apologies, and happy holidays to you!
Hi John! Yes, Lean and Hard is a well thought out program.
I sometimes do HIIT on the elliptical machines; running sprints kill my legs too much. I actually like running longer distances–in a sick masochistic sort of way. 
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Over at Visible Woman we are nearer 60 than 40 and we don’t do anything on hips and knees without adhering to a regimen of weight work to make the muscles and tendons and ligaments support the joints. Funny post.
2007
LB